lol I wonder how many people still actually use this. I haven't made an update in over a year but I'll go ahead and make one now. I've done A LOT of maturing in last year and a half. School is my top priority now. I'm 100% determined to get into UF and for once I'm pretty confident about it. I moved to Gainesville about a month ago and I'm going to Santa Fe to finish up my AA. I am constantly studying and doing homework. I even signed up for the Honors Program. I refuse to make the same mistakes that I made during high school.

But anyways, I love it here! I'm living with my oldest brother, Jorge, and his wife in a super bad-ass apartment. I feel so lucky =] I wish the rest of my family would move up here too. I miss them soooo much! That is the only downside to me living here.

Alex and I are still dating and I fall even more in love with him every day. Now that he's back from Afghanistan we've been able to see each other more frequently. I went to visit him in Virginia last month and he's coming to visit me for the second time this month on Friday. We make an excellent team. I don't know what I would do without him! lol If you're reading this baby boy... I FREAKIN LOVE YOOOOU!

I think that's about all I have to say for now.

Oh wait... I can't wait for the Blink 182 and Brand New shows!! lol. Okay, NOW I'm done.

I was beginning to think it was impossible to find love, but I finally found it. I have never in my entire life been happier than I am right now. I feel like I'm living a fairy tale. It's crazy how everything started too. Never in a million years did I think I'd hear from Alex Weisberg again, much less fall in love with him. He was the kid who used to copy my Spanish homework in 8th grade. I have Facebook to thank for everything lol.

I find myself thinking about Alex every second of the day. I'm always wondering what he's up to, always wishing I was in his arms. He makes me feel so special, something that no one has ever done. He truly cares about me and is constantly proving that to me. He told me that I make him want to be a better person. My family even loves him. He hit it off so well with my brothers. That means so much to me.

And now for the bitter part...
Alex is in the Navy and he's stationed in Norfolk, Virginia. As if that wasn't hard enough, he's getting deployed to Afghanistan. He's leaving today to start his training that will prepare him for the deployment. I'm not going to get to see him for an entire year. I'll rarely get to hear that sweet voice of his. I have to stay positive though. I keep telling myself that he's going to be safe and that this year will go by quickly. It's the only way I can remain strong. Oh man, I can't stop crying right now. I'm going to miss him so much. I can't wait for him to come back home!!!

It's '08 now. This year has been good for the most part. I have a great job, I'm doing really well in school, and I bought a new car. I'm finally close with my family! I can seriously see myself maturing every day. If only I had a guy.. lol

My life does get pretty boring though. It's the same shit every week. All I ever do is work, go to class, do hw, and watch the news. Haha.. I've become a huge news junkie. I love knowing what's going on in the world.

I wish I wasn't so isolated. I used to be the first person my friends turned to when they had news to share, but now it seems that I'm out of the loop. I feel replaced. Call me jealous if you want... I guess it's true. I HATE being second best. This whole thing has kept me on an emotional roller coaster. I WANT THINGS TO GO BACK TO THE WAY THEY USED TO BE! I want my best friends back =[

god dammit!!!! is he really that oblivious to everything?! there's noooo fucking way. he claims that he doesn't want to lose me as a friend, but it's total bull shit. he couldn't care less if i never talked to him again. he'd probably prefer it. after everything that happened i put in all of my damn effort into salvaging our friendship, but he hasn't done anything. we went from talking every single day, to us talking whenever i called, to not talking at all. this is what happens EVERY SINGLE TIME: i call him, IF he answers, he's always busy and immediately asks to call me back, but he doesn't. i'm not exaggerating when i tell you it's happened at least 8 times. if i didn't call him, we would never talk. so i stopped. and i was absolutely right. i haven't spoken to him in a week.

and he says he doesn't want to lose me as a friend.

why does he have to be such a coward? why can't he just tell me he wants nothing to do with me?




and on top of that work sucks right now. i feel so misled. i had a one year review in march, and my store manager told me that the district manager wanted to promote me to a manager, but my store manager felt that it would be better if we waited until after i graduated, and i agreed. well, it's been 2 months now and i'm still not a manager. i get paid shit. i could be getting paid more at ANY other store (especially one that's closer to my house) as a freaking sales associate with far less responsibility. so why do i stick around at the pacsun at pembroke?? because i was led to believe that i was going to be a manager, making a lot more money than i am right now. but there was a meeting yesterday for the 3 senior sales (the other 2 were just recently promoted). we were told that there was a position open for a manager, but not until november. we were also told that we were all going to start from scratch, and that whoever proved themselves was going to get promoted.

that's some shit right there. i worked my ass off being a senior sales for the last EIGHT MONTHS, but i have to "start from scratch." how fucking discouraging. it's bull shit. i don't want to work there anymore. they have no appreciation for me at all. so now i must search for another job.

so my crazy ass decided to drive up here to orlando all by myself yesterday lol. i just wanted to get away from everyone for a few days. plus, i haven't visited my brother since august, when he got married. the drive wasn't all that bad. i burned like 5 CDs to keep myself entertained. aaaaand i chilled with meagen and raf yesterday. raf lives like 2 minutes away from my brother. lol meagen and i are going to go to citywalk today while our guys are studying. it should be lots of fun.

max and i are finally back to being friends. i'm so relieved. not talking to him for 4 days was driving me crazy because we were such good friends.

and if you're wondering why the hell i'm writing this so early, i woke up like at 5 to go to the gym. i feel so much better after that.


dammit i miss frankie so much. i hate this. i'm really proud of him and all, but fuck! that's my best friend. i saw him everyday. i counted on him for everything. he was always there to cheer me up. i'd do anything just to see him for an hour.

he failed to mention throughout this last month that we've been talking and hanging out that he had a girlfriend. honestly man, wtf? the few times i actually fall for a guy i get fucked over. ay yi yi. what am i supposed to do now?

but let's rewind to friday lol. ohh i had so much fun. i played kings with max, his sister, and her friends. i guess i kind of proved myself to them when i chugged my beers like it was nothing lol. they're so cool man. i really like him a lot. i hope that we happen lol.

today i felt like a total house wife. i woke up early and decided that i wanted to make dinner for my brothers tonight. so i went to publix and bought all the stuff to make tacos. i even made guacamole from scratch and it was deliciousssss. everything turned out so yummy, i'm impressed with myself lol. i invited max to come but his mom didn't let him. too bad, i really want my brothers to meet him. oh well, maybe some other time.

damn, i dunno what's wrong with me. it's impossible for me to sleep in. i woke up at 8:00 this morning lol.. what the hell? i'm terribly bored because everyone is still sleeping. last night was a lot of fun. i hung out with the previously-mentioned-argentinian (haha) and his friends. i'm actually not so sure that he likes me anymore. well, not more than as a friend that is. maybe it is too soon to be developing feelings for him, i mean, we've only been talking for 2 weeks. but damn, i can't help it. there's just something about him. i can't exactly put my finger on what it is that attracts me to him so much, but it's definitely there. i guess the only way to find out how he feels about me is to ask him, but that's just a little too ballsy for me lol. i just wouldn't want to make things awkward between us. not that i'm the type of person to make situations awkward lol, but it's inevitable sometimes. ay yi yi, i dunno. i guess we'll see what happens. but i'm pretty content right now =]

haha this thing tells me i haven't updated in 19 weeks. i'm feeling a little bored at the moment, so why not. welllll, whoever is reading this will be glad to know that i am currently verrrry happy. i have a crush on this guy that i knew in middle school. lol i hope he doesn't read this because that'd be just a little embarrassing. whatever, he'd be stupid not to know that i like him. i'm almost sure he likes me back, but i still have that doubt. regardless, we're taking things slow. he's an awesome friend... i absolutely love talking to him. he makes me laugh all the time and he's just such a good person. ahhh he's so cute lol. i love when he speaks in spanish because he's argentinian and his accent is adorable. damn, just thinking about him makes me smile. but whatever happens with us, it's nice to know that i have a great person like him in my life.

=]

i just got home from work. fuck a nigga named black friday!

damn; i love this cd. i went to go buy it straight after school.


eww.. i'm feeling bummed out. REALLY upset. i'm so lonely right now. my family is leaving tomorrow to go to orlando. i get to spend thanksgiving without them... great. whatever. i wanted to have a party but it can't happen anymore =[

i wish i had someone to keep me warm (and to talk to).

i haven't seen my mami in a month. i miss her so fucking much. she comes home on tuesday and i'm counting down the seconds. living with my brother has been hell!!! he swears that i'm terrible and that i'm going to fail in life. i can't wait to prove him wrong.

GAINESVILLE GAINESVILLE GAINESVILLE!!!!... it's still all i can think about.

brand new on friday. =]

my family is in colombia for 3 weeks. i'm so sad =[ i wish i was there man... i hate being here right now. i don't know why, but everything is just feeling so sucky at the moment. everyday is the same boring thing. i want something new. i just can't wait for high school to end and to be living up in gainesville.

so this weekend was fun =] a big thank you to ashley! i ended up taking home both the captain morgan and parrot bay bottles.... why, i have no idea lol... but i'm not complaining. jenn is CRAAAAZY. zach needs ASS-cream hahahaha

can't wait till next weekend

i agree with jenn... senior year is fucking awesome!! there's not one dull moment. we party every weekend, cuz we're BOSSY! ahhhhhhhh and i have so much to look forward to!!! GREY'S ANATOMY, halloween horror nights, homecoming, brand new, lots of 18th birthdays, thanksgiving, x-mas, new years..... I CAN'T WAIT!!!

lol i think i might have a little get together on thursday for grey's anatomy. if you're as obsessed as jenn and me... you're more than welcome to come! beer maybe? =]

ohhh which reminds me... PARTY AT ASHLEY'S!!! no rents this weekend... sweeeeeeeet! simon better not pussy out this time.




but yea, in short... LIFE IS GREAT! let's celebrate =]

yessss, i'm a senior =]

i stayed up all of last night doing my AP psych work. i amaze myself. i had the whole fucking summer to do it, and i STARTED at like 10:30 pm. lol don't worry, i finished it.

i hate:
lunch (especially the yellow lines)
ssr
aof points
new attendance policy
not getting an agenda
no more summer =[



i love:
my teachers
my classes
my classmates
being a senior


i went to target with jenn and got so angry lol. it was fucking spic-ville over there. and the assholes didn't have paper, pens, the pencils i wanted, composition books, protractors, compasses, ANYTHING! lol i only bought a folder and a notebook

i think i like him, but i'm definitely not allowed to =/

yea, so get this. i used to be REALLY good friends with this kid in middle school. he's probably the nicest guy that i've ever met in my life. he had a MAJOR crush on me, and i'm not gonna lie, deep down inside i liked him a lot too. i never admitted it though because, well, lol i don't know why. i was stupid i guess. then out of nowhere i stopped being friends with him. i don't even remeber why i did it, man i was such a bitch. that poor kid did not deserve that. anyways, years passed and i finally reached the maturity to realize how wrong i was. you have nooooo idea how much remorse i felt.

alright... to the irony lol.

yesterday at work this girl amanda was talking about how she felt bad because she was rude to some guy that she knew. then i told her about the kid from middle school and how much i regreted that. i said that if i were given the opportunity, i would totally apologize to him. just GUESS who came into the store today... yep, it was him. i hadn't seen him in years man, and when i saw him come in my heart started racing and adrenaline was pumping through my entire body. i was so nervous. i had no idea what to do, i didn't even know if he remembered me. i felt really uncomfortable because i was helping him find some jeans but it was like we didn't know eachother. haha, then i finally got the balls to say "erick, do you remember me?" lol... he did. and i must have said sorry to him at least 5 times. he forgave me =] man, what a relief. that really made my day.

well well... an update from me? yea, pretty insane. i've been too caught up in work. this summer is NOTHING like i expected it to be. i imagined LOTS of partying... but that's not the case at all lol. oh wellll. hey, i'm single again (but that's kind of old news). i guess i'm pretty bad at relationships huh lol. there's not much else to say really... so goodbye for now.

-natalie

even with all of the craziness going on, my boyfriend makes me feel so happy =]